Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
