it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
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