I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
