I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Boobs are out for the taking
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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