Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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