i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
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his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
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They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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