Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
