Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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