Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
