i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
