that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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