I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
