I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
