Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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