Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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