FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize