i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
