I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
