worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
