I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
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i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize