i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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