You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
