I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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