she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
