This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
