he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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