this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
