I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
