oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
this boner is exhausting
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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