shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
