Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
