Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
