so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She bit a glass in half.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
