if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
