i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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