i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
