It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
