I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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