You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize