Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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