Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
