Moan for me like Helen Keller
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
