you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
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Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
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I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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