You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize