I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
