Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
