If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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