And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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