so that wasnt chicken after all
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
