and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
