New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
