I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
