Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
