Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
